The fear of loosing something that you can't replace is not the kind of fear I have. The thought of that imperfect substitute tormenting me with memories of the irreplaceable something is what I am scared of. We all make a decision of labeling someone or some experience as irreplaceable when we have felt nothing like we did before. We start fearing the loss because it becomes valuable. Naturally, it becomes valuable due to the scarcity of the experience with the passing time. The superstitious version of me starts calculating everything that I might have done for me to lead up to that very moment as if I am following a recipe so that every time I get the same exact outcome. But it rarely works that way. Maybe it's the changing world around us that makes everything "Just not the same anymore". The other thing that changes in the recipe is that now it is a recipe for you. Before, it was just some things written on a piece of paper which weren't meant for calculated decisions. Before you know it, the want of the outcome to be just the same has somehow changed the key ingredient which is you, the person making the food. Subconsciously, you are just too afraid to deviate, not even a little bit. You somehow become so focused on the want for the irreplaceable, that you forget the flexibility that you effortlessly gave yourself which was one of the major reasons you came across something so special in the first place. It then is a scary affair, to reveal or even allow yourself to showcase other sides of yourself. I strongly feel it should not be that way. Would you even enjoy when you're so conscious about being yourself? That would make you loose that something special even before you have it. It's like you are changing the key ingredient to the recipe of this something special. Instead, we could just be ourselves and wait and watch which irreplaceable moment or person just decides to stick around...And only then it would be truly worth the tag.
